1 week home...

and the first wensday and i have a lovely day with Cb. then after both of them enden work C and C came in to town and we hade a nice night. we did buy food and some drinks and when to the park to enjoy the summer night. and after that we when to the movie the proposla. and it was so good, i love it and the humor was hilarious, i was laught hard a few times. i need to buy it later.

then friday i was in town and hade lunch and a coffe with M good it was so good to see her i have mist her. i dont see her al the time, but i have mist her alot. and we always pick up wher we left of. i love it.

then saturday mu farling J was here. and it was so nice. siting in the sun and talk. and then eaten by the dam mosquitos, they bit wors back home. i promis. but it was nice and im looking forward to see my darling again. (and yes i know you read this;))

so sunday was a soft day. sis come ower for diner and it was nice. and today me and my mom wher down swiming and then doing som shoping. so the life is going on. i will see my granmother on wensday and then my K is coming on friday. lovely!!!!

tooo many C

haha im not gona talk about that again. but i have to say i have goten hugs from 2 of the best C yesterday. and i got an elephant as welcome home gift. have to take a photo and put up.

but it was so nice to be home and get a hugs from them. i have realied that hugs i the best ever. because in them you can fell al the love they have for you. and still that a hug of love can be so different.

my mums are one kind wher i always fell like the little girl again. the same if it is my dad, with him im alwyas the small daughter. hugin my granmother is the hold her, to realy hug her and she will probably break, but she hug me hard back when she was here. my sister jumping up han i hold them hard, that is one hug. and when the CC come over and i was in CB arms i was home. then i was home again, i her arms are the bumbihugs and they are the most specilla ones. and also C she my darling have good hugs to. and i could fell that she hade mist me alot. as i have mist her.

and their are more of them to come. and im looking forward to them:)

home!

home in sweden again. and im happy to be home. happy that i got the hug from my family that i have wanted for a year. happy to see al and to have my dog again close.

so tursday was good. hade the last exam, and party that night, went you with the rommys and some others. dansed hade driks at CJ and it was perfect. i did not want to leav them al so friday morning was one of the worst ever. it is right up their in the top with leaving the family on arlanda when i left for oz, and to say by to the lovely poeple last semester. i hade a hard time to let A and C go. A i will miss you load. al the talk and thing, miss you load babe. and C what to say? you know what you mean to me, and i will be strang to have you so far away. but thats life. you still be close to my heart.

so after 37 h or hell i mean plain. i was home in the arm of mom and dad, the to places i alway fell home in, and the arm i can never get to much of. and then home to the house and the best ever happend. dad hade gone and got my granmother to the house. i did not have to wait any more to hug her, god it was good to be home and see her, she is the one i alway want to make proud. and to see her again was the best ever. i love my granmothter loads.
and now after 11 h och sleep ( finaly since i have not sleept for mor then 2-3 h at a time since wendsday) im wating for 2 och the C to come:P I know i have 5 but this is one of the 3 that always go together. the on wensday i will se the 3 C together. and i cant wait for it. miss al my darling and i can say no that:

what is friendship? is the best ever and to have manny of the and al over make you always have the word miss in the my vocabulary that will always be arond and a part of the meaing of friends!

the last one ever....

.. from australia. i have now done the last exam at jcu. i have less then 24 h in australia, of this i will get al my shit in to my bag (it was posible untill i found more stuff that need to go home). so i have to begin again. then take a shower get redy for party and have fun. no sleep or only a few hours is the plan berfore leavin for sweden.

so no to what i have done since i got down to oz.
- found my self.
- found so many new people i love
- got my diving cetificat.
- im a profestional diver
- were able to travell on my own and hade fun and found people everwhere.
- i have hade one of the best yeras ever and im happy F gave me the pappers and that i hade the courges to go here.

i will be home on saturday and after that the time will fly again!

good life is a bitch!

haha i was going to say god! life is a bitch, but i like this better. because good life is a bitch because their is so much you what to do. i know i know i talk about it al the time, but i dont want to leav my life down here. i will miss A so much. she always know what to say do make me happy, even we have over fights i can count on her to always be their. she is my darling. to leav al the poeple at uni that you get ust to see al the time. that is stange not to meet them and talk abóut nothing for 3 min. (can someone tell me why i try to type absout al the time insted of about?) and then i will miss C the 5 one (can poeple have names that start with an other letter? i mean i have 5 that are my C's that bad) besides the fact. i will miss talking to him everyday. konw that i can talk about everything, and to have someone their. i have alot of friend back home, but never i guy that can see me so much and that non of us did fall for the other one. we have no felling for the other one more the friends, good friends. so i will miss having him around. what will i do when i cant change couch, and out my head in his lap to talk about some school thing or just to avoid studying my stuff. who will i talk to befor bedtime about over old life or things that happend that day? what will i do in sweden without him? will life goes on and i have many poeple that i miss so much, that i cant what untill i get a hug from and can call them by their name to thier face i have mist to say dad and mom. and to get the welcomehug from them i have dreamd about for the longest time. nothing better then to be welcomed home by my parents. or maby the love that the dog will show is a cloes call to. to hold my dreamy is onething i want more then anyting. my dog is the one i have mist the most. because al the other i can talk to, i can see in cam, but i cant talk to my dog. i can make her smile or leter her know im still here so to have here in my arms again is something that make going home the best ever. love that thing more then many others. she is the one i know always are happy to see me. no fals smile or hug. she wants to see me.

well tell me to stop babling some time. im pathetic i know. bu thats me. and my good life can be a bitch some times!

happy!!!!

i got the best new today. one of my darlings from the us is coming to wisit me this summer. she lands the 3 of july and says utill the 22. i could not have goten better new. well if a my darling from the us could come that would be better. but still she is coming as we were talking absout for. well since she left me in oz alone.

so now the planing on what to do starts. we want to go to norway to see al in bergen, that will happen i hope. but only the fact that i can show her sweden and al their is the best ever.

no noting can brin me donw. she is coming to me:)

happy days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lovely day!

so the day after. first of al thank you al my lovely friedn that remember me, im so happy for al text, fb and everything. lots of love to you al!!!

and a lot of thansk to C A and T the lovely roommates i have. C made dinner A gave me a birthdaycake and T was lovely like always. so insted of making me study al night we hade a nice dinner, alot och talk and then a movie. i was in bed 12.30 a sleep maby 1-1.30 and up at 7 for exam at 8. abit hangover and tierd. and i thing i did a really good work. if that tru this will be the new tactic for a exam. drink abit the day befor adn no sleep. haha. ut otherwis the day was so good and im happy with it.
and now one exam is done so it is 3 to go and 7 days befor i leav austalia.

love love

that time of the years again!

geting older. feel that one more year have gone by, but this time i feel that i have done something i have become a divecon. i have followed a dream and got donw to australia adn the most importan i found my self. and know my limets better. i can thank C and B on maggi for that they pust me and got in to me that you can you can be out of air and 10 from you budy under water. but you whant that air so you will make it even if you think you cant. tyring to do it and get it bang in that you can do it. ok you can its al in you head. and i made it in every way.

so this year i have more accpted that im getin older, becasue this year i feel i have acompliseh so much. i think that have been the problem the last 5 years that i have feelt more what have i done this years? insed of now. god this was a short year adn i have done so much. this year have been flying by and i wish i could last for ever.

but ya. happy birthday to me!!!!

strange...

... what time does to you. im reading old things from 04 and things i said in their.
i was talking so much absout his boy that i thought i loved. tha he was the one e.t.c and i know i never new him. that i have talk to him a few times but i was so in love that i could not see past that, and still i was talking to this nice guy on the internet and i said so many times that he is the best, i love him for the friend hi was, but i colud not be in love becasue i did not know him. how could i say that in the sentence befor that i lovede one that i did not know but not him becasue he was on the internet. i know that i did know him i just did not think that i whantent him. that was why i hurt so much later on when i brok it of. i did know what i feelt for him but i did not admit it. intressing to se what i said befor and feel today.
the boy i loved i dont talk to at al, have taking him awy from everyplace and i dont really care absout him.
the other one i said bye to and brok if of when i hade grown up. he is back now and i dont know what happen. but is still strange how i have chagne. adn to read ti really makes me see how much have happend the last years. and also the sorrow i feel ower have said that the girl in the prevoius bloggs that she was on of the ones i could not see my lifte without here, and now i dont see how it can work out between us. i will try, but i can see it happen now. i can see how it can get solved.

but that is a later problem. now it is tha exams and coming home i have to focus on.

happy

if you are following thhis bloog you will have seen the last one, but dont worry im fine! sometimes i have to write of whats on my minde to let i go, so im good now after talking it of my mind. it has to be sortet and that will poabaly happen when i get home. but that day i was so irretated with it al and need to let i go to handel other things in my lift. it is stille their, and talking to some about it have made me go ower it and geting angry about that.

but i will handle that when i get home not much i can to about that here.

so im happy because im now a dive control speciallist. that means dive maste for most people. so the work on maggi is ower. but im happy i feel that im a better diver and that i have learnd alot.
the count down on flying home is on to. have 2 weeks left and dont want to. well i want to but still not. it is so much i want to but i dont. im looking forward to coming home to the family and al the friends. even their is some thing to deal with im want to be in moms and dads arms again!

I dont know...

is it realy worth it? my head is spining with these qusetiosn about you and me. should i wokr on it? will it be what we whant.
i explain what i feel and have felt for the last 3 years, the reaction *why are we friends then?* i dont know if it is worth talking about, the reaction to maby a bad explaning letter tells alot. i mean, i told the things i was feeling what so bad with that? yes it was the hole tru and nothing but that and i can hurt. but if we are friends the reaction should not be why are we friends it should be how did this happen. why did it become lite this. or im i wrong? it was my fault i did not shwo my self becasue i was afriad to do that to not be acceptet for that gild because of the hint of how i was.
but no more. i love the onw i am. i will try to sort this out, but i will not change back. the one i am to day is girl i love. and she will stay, though i can see my life with out you. you are still the major reason i am who i am. that is what is so strange. that the one making me in to who i am to today dont even know me. how did this happen?
well see what happens, but what i know is that i will stay as i am. i do care if you like her or not. but i will not changes. like me or not i will stay as the one i am today, a stronger and more happy girl.
and i know if i los that now. i have to many other that will skream at me. well should stop hear. have to go to maggi tomorrow, and it is most likely my last day.

over and out!

bad bad girl

I did i again. not write here for a few days. but it is not that much going on. talk to C on skype, miss you my darling så have a wounderfull time wiht mommy now and i see you in 2.5 weeks.
so what am i going? i' finsihing of my divecon on maggi. is a past the examorrow it would be lovely. so on saturday i hop to be done with it al and be a diveprfesional. im loing for that moment. and it is so close.

other than that, im missing everyone and the closer i get to comming home the more i can feel it. i want a hug from al of my darling. and speeking about that. i hope that it work out and that you K are coming to S and me. that would be on of the best things happening for me beside seing everyone at home.

well need to pratis a lecure now. but i will try to write here again soo..

lots of love to al!!!!

friends

some people my wounder why i have this name on my blogg. when i first heard this expresion i thought ya why not. then i meat friends and got this typ of friendship. i found that the real friendship is two bodys and one soul. and that is tru for al friendsships more or less. i have few realy cloes friend because i have big truble trusing people. I admit this, and i know some people think the know me better then they do, sorry for that but it is so easy to go back and hide the real feeling by smilling and laught it away. this might make you think do i now her? is she realy the girl i think or have she lied to me?
al of you that i say i love, you know me. my 3 angels in the states you 3 know me, my three C backhome you know me, alos my 4 C back home you have always know me from we were 3 and 4 years old. the 5.et C and A down under know me. my darling sisters you 2 know me now and alos mum ad dad know the most. E and L in hbg you know the most about who i am today. M you know me, we are on in so many aspecte, and that we always piktup were we left of is one of the things i love about you. and then we come to the reason im writing this you J.

we have been friends since we where 8 i think when we were swiming together. i dont know when we started together i know we always did see eachother al the time and during the summer playide some times. then we stop swiming and only meat eachother at hand-ball games and tournuments. i shuold have seen then that since you were going against you teammates and still was y friend even all the girls around you wanted me go. one more girl in you club did the same but that is a totaly different story! what i did not see then was that you have seen me always as i was. when we got to the swiming i was free to be me al the time. bullied at school i could escape in the water and what you dont think about is that the people around you see that and see you. you are one of the few that call me Ullis (only Rebecca do it to) because you 2 were their when that was what i alowed.
so why write this here and not in a email? i will emal you back but the email you sent me inspiers this. she said that she has been reding it al (yeah someone do read this shit im writing) and that she can see the change in me, and read between the lines that it have not always been easy. and it was then i realise how well she knowes me. that you have been their along the way and in the biger picure seen the change in me. we have not been close al the way but you know me better then i everthought maby even best of al because you have seen me from a distans. im not alowing you to be at a distans enymore as you know and we will meat up when im home again.
you also write that i was a insperation to you for chanigne my life and the why my life look now. that made me so happy and i could not stop smilling, you thankt me for being me what more can i be happy about? and the fact that you got me to see over relations and you are right we have always been friends, just because we have not seen eaxhother al the time dosent mean we were not friends. ower friendships have always been their, and i have always known that.

so what are the conlusions of this?
1) i know i have so many people in my life that makes it the best, and that i onetime could consider not having friends is something i hate myself fore. thank al of you how did not leav me when i was like that
2) friends are always their and they always sees you even thoug you are hiding. they can feel that you are truing to hide yourself but they dont alow that and endure that to keep you at you best.
3) im thankfull everyday to have al of you in my life, you give me even more reason to live and be happy.
4) i love al of you, you are more important to me then anyhing els. and dont forget i do anything to help al of you, to keep you happy and help you when you not are happy is the reason i exist.

and never forget we are al one soul and have over own body!!!!

im bad

i havenot been here in a few days, since i been wokrin and studying, but today i went down down and book a trip to the youngala the day befor my birthday. happy birthday me. i alos found a new bekini in yellow and me and frind alos went to sweethearst. it was fun:P
what i did not get was the dress i dream absout. i whant a dress that i can were everyday. that will be simple but still looks good. and if you have more makeup and neckleses it can be for party. as i said i do have alot of demands when it comes to this dress, but in the end i will alow myself to spend more money on it.

and to me. i have lost alot of weight at least to sizes and since the spex ended, and the last 1.5 is donw here. i love it.and my body, i hope it will keep going in this way.

well going to bed now. the head hates me to night.

again

im here insted of doing home work. im not motivated right now so writing here in sted of there is what im doing.

schools good, but need to win over the computers at uni. they don't let me get the stuff that the profs. put up. and you can get any other way. hate hate hate that.

but i should not do this i should be glueing drawing in to my workbook and drink my red bull. i have become coffein addict, i have at least one latte at school, and then something other with coffein during the day. it is bad i know, but i can't stop. so to night (7.10 pm) i will drink a redbull to stay up and get this shit over with. if im good i will be in bed before C come home from work (which is around 2am) wish me luke.

so back to the redbull and work book.

hmm

i have been irretade a bit the last few days, because how the people i love act. i mean it is not hard to call or text me if you miss me. i know i could be better at keeping contact but if you miss me, call or text or email. dont go to al the others teling them that you miss me and my voice, i hate the runing around and talking on what you whant insted of doing something about that your self. this is a part of the new me, i have not yet talk to any of you about it. i should but it means hurting a bit and i can't aslonges im in oz. but when i get home i will change it OK?

but then i got this from my dad today and i realised that my rections to the statmen above is stupid of me. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJMbk9dtpdY) i love my family and would do what this man is doing for the one he loves. i would do anything they ask even stay forever in sweden with them if that make them happy. my family is the most important thing i have, i thank every day that i have you. blood is thicker then water and blood is life. i share this with 4 people verry close. and then i have the other family the friends. you are al very special and i would not be the same with out you. friends are the family we pick and i cant have a better family then the one i have. love you al loads and thanks that you want to be in my life.

well enough about that. to the day. the talk to B wounderfull. the computers and internet at school the worst. i need artikles to mb and they are up on reserv online can i get them? NO!!!! i got the past exam after trying for 4 h and change computer. but the rest no. and i cant find them in web of sciens either becasue they must be to old or something. so the frustration grows bigger. and with al the other frustrations it is not strange that im on my way to explode. think i need to go out walking or be by the river. but the workbook need to be done i dont want to have it for last minute as always. but the computers is not helping.

well should stop complaing and the light of the day was to talk to you B, you made me smile and im looking forward to over house on the bahamas. can wait for it.

well should do someting on my workbook.
load of love to the lovely poeple i miss and love

time

since i have noting that makes me want to study so i write here insted:P

so today i got upp late beacuse we did not go to sleep untill 1.30 dam have to stop doing this:P so we got up at 10. 30. at 12 me chris and anne went to stokis for some shoping and a bostjuice:P and now o should study. but i endeup on line and was going to read the da vinci code, but got stuk talkting to people:P

but yestar day adn the reason that i did not go to sleep untill 1.30 was that me chris, anne and some other pople did see angels and demons. as always tom hanks did do a good jobb. and i love stellan skarsgård so it was a good movie. now i have to read the book. but i have it so i have to have the time for that.

well i should gp back to the pople that want to talk to me. or maby leav them for a book.
hehe

well...

since im back i should say why i stop and what im been up too, since it have been neraly 3 years.

i stop because there were so much going on in my life and i could not talk about it here. i was trying to figer out what was going on.

the result.

i stop taking to some people. started being whit others. and i figured out what i wanted with my studies and time around that. i got involved in teh spex 06 and were head of the stages in 07. alot of fun and alot of good friend were made.

then i hade a realy good friend that throwed applaying paper in my face to apply for studying abroad. that happend the fall 07. the spring 08 i got in to jcu in australia and after that everyting seemed to fall in to place. we lefter sweden for townsville in july 08. down here i have meet so many people that helpt me to see who i am. and i have been going through some big changes in how i are with people. i have look in to how i am and figured that out. and what was more suprising to me. i like how i am today and can look back at so much in the past with i smile now.
there is realy nothing that are having a big influens on me any more from the past.

so now im down in australia. and as you can see in the last blogg is that i want to stay here. and i want to go home. im going home in june to finish studys and al, and after that i dont know were i will end upp. what i know is that i want to come back here, i want to see my friend from last semster (might be going to norway this summar) and to have a big party for al of them (im turing 25 net yeras someone coming to my party then in sweden?)
well i think that is al for now.

no wait to day i have been at uni. hade a intressing prac in the cconservation. we were doing a class for 1-3 gaders to teach them about turtles. and then playing games etc. it was really funny, not that produtive but we were laughing alot, which always are good. and later i will go to the movies with a bunch of friends. it is weekend and my life is going good.

i miss the family, friend and al. but that is a sign that i have many peopel i care about and that make my life good.

im back..

okay. after hmmm. 2 years im back here. and now im going to try to be good at it. don't know if it will help but maby.why english? have so many new darling that i want to know whats going on in my life.so now im happy.i love my life and my self as i said so many times. but im still worried about some of the lovely ones. sis you are on my mind al the time and i hope you are okej. missy in the us, i want whats best for you. and about me. im good, but my mind is mesing with me. i want to stay in oz. i want to go home. i want to go to us, i want to stay. i want everything but can only get one of the at once. so the brain is messing, that gives a bit less sleep becasue i wake up during the night. but im trying to sleep.

well i have to go to bed now but will give you more whats going on to morrow.

orkar snart inte mer....

länge sen man skrev nu men inget verkar hända som rubbar mig och mina kännslor. för än nu igen. senast var det han nu är det han igen med hjälp av en av MINA vänner. slutar inte hon så går det inte längre det gör för ont att råka höra om honom titt som tätt. det går bara inte. if it dont stop I will go Crazy. hatar deta vill ha mitt eget liv och inte behöva ha i bakhuvudet vad som lätt kan poppa upp. vill bara att allt ska ta slut........