as i said

if i feel like it i do it:P
and that come to moste stuff.

so i have to caomplain about the trains. and al that. that it dosent matter that we have snow and winter every year. its like trains and busscompaniet realiced that ooo its winter this year to. we tought that the climat change  took care of that!
news falsh, if we dont get winter that is so in the futture. like in 50 years. untill then we will get snow. it will get cold. so pleac suprise me next year. do have an big effect on the transpotations because it lest then 0 deegreeas and some snow comes down:P

over and out!

i know i know

i have not been doing my jobb.
but i have to say that i cant sometimes. when it is to much going on. and the feeling are bilding up i cant.if i start writing i will not stop. and that is bad. because some thing i cant put out ther for everyon to see.

so i will not write of the last week. that not fun. i will say that i wil try to do this again now that my brain and body have catching up with eachother.

i passed my celbiology exam yester day. and i did have an officiall bruning of my notes so i dont have to see them again:P i know im a dork but hey you like me like Iam.

adm the snow is here. so i hope it will be staying for 1 more week. then im happy. also its cold. last year i was in new zeeland on teh 17 and the 18 i was back in australia. so that a big diff compared to now. but well im happy being wiht my friend, family and boy. and im loning for chrismas day. then i have to see if i have been good at giving presentes this year to:P

so to end this of. the photo of yester day.

the bruning of nots and snow from my balcony!

to some that know swedish:P

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scotland

so i have been away for a week in scotland. lovely contery but hard to follow some of the people when they speak:P but it was so nice i needed that alot.
i will write more aout it when im up for it. i got the messeged that a friend of the family past away a week ago, so im not at my best now. so i can only say my you rest in peace. and i miss you.

over and out!

ps next time their will be photos.

Im a geek...

i have for the last days listen to backstreet boys al of the albums. it is both on repeat on my mp3 and my ituns. i want to much to here the songs over and over again i know im a geek. but i still like them alot. both the old and new. the are always in my heart because the was their since i was 8. the have been gone for a will but still can the make new songs that have new way to express the feeling. siberia and al. they are good at geting the songs to talk about love, new love, lost love friendship al in new ways:P  even when they do a song about cheating it become a hit.

so now i will stop doing this but some old pictuers on them so get nostolgic about:P

brian and kevin from 05

  

and then other from 08 (with brian in the coner)

so the list i talk about...

... in the last post.

they were for this year
- dive 150 dives that will not happen. i have 100
- fall in love that happend, and im happy
- meat up with B K T and M i have meet K and M B befor new yeras. i hope fo T to
- go to bergen to meet the norwigis thansk K for making that happen for me
- start my final work in school well that will not happen. but the plans are on trak eny way
- jump bungyjump it was planed fo nz but id not happen
- take dry suit card (think i will move that down to 5 years)
- stop thinkit to much dont think i can ever do that!
- see my cousins  well one down one to go

and for the next 5 years
- dive with hammer head scholling
- work woth sharks and orcas
- pet a shark and orcas(in the wild dont tell my dad)
-  take dry suit card
- be the best ant in the world! with the sis ofcurrse.

so more will maby come. butthat is for later.

hehe

so the tickets is paid. the hostel book. the smile on and i will get a book about new york. om maby i will what to wish for that in chrismas present:P

so her i go a list of what i want. and maby not need.

- a book about new york so i know what to fors B to take me to.
- the computer talk about erlier
- a the dive gera to have it al ( i so want but not to tell)
-pocket money for new york
- a new good camera. cannon. didigtal but sytem:P
-teather ticktes to me and mother
-mamma mia ticket in new york
- a calander for 2010
-that the list i set up for me in oz will be tru.
-
over and out!

ok, ok

i have been bad again at this but alot have been going on. and the feeling that i can write here without saying everyting that flighs tru my head and i have not feel like that so ergo no writing.

but i have hade my darling bumbi here fo a weekend or more and we hade it good. we when to a friend so celibrate her birthday. over to denmark, playing card and talking. i have misst here and it was a good weekend. it could been bether. but hey nothing gos like we want to.

and then las week it was alot. i hade an exam that i so whant to get of my back. so after school i was in the lib to study as long as it was open. home. talk abit to the boy and then of to bed to start over. and then also planing what my bumbi said i have to do. im going to new york during new years. so i havebook the fligh and hoping everthing will go as planed for that. so this week will go to fix with that. get redy to go to scotland on sunday and be gone for a week, and maby breaht a little befor going home to sthlm for a weekend. and i have to say my boyfrind know how to make me smile.

idk what mor have happen, then my thinking when im been woking around and also reading the lokal papper. it has been a debate about wering a veil as a muslim women. and that its no someting writen in the coran. then thing i have always though was that the women were it to not show ther beauti  for any other man then thier own. or the clos family. so now when i see you women wher it, and they have tight pants, nice tops, some makeup, the veil is some eye cathing and they have heals. dont the purpus of the veil to not make you stand you now make you have they eye on you any why. i dont say the should not were it. but somhow i fell that is mixt. so now my crazy mind has spokne. i will go to bed soon.

over and out

the best in the world.

she is here! my own bumbi! and im so happy for that. she is my strengt, my one and only. and we are going to have a great weekend togther. so long since last and so needed.

i have go to school for a seminare. but later she is mine and only mine!
love here more then anything.

over and out

well...

not much have happend. i have finished one cours now (yester dau) and started the marinbioloy- advanced today. it looks like it will be a good,no exam in that one. alot to read but i think it will be a nice course.
I also got my supervior for the bacholar prodject i will do next year and that feels good aswell. the think that are comming seems to be working out so nicely.

and in 2 days my BUMBI is coming here. i have miss her so much. wehave not realy hade the time to see eachother during this summer. so have her down her and be only us to. ya thats what we soooo need. she will alwyas be the best their is. but not be alot with her is not the best for me.

so to get out of this depression i have over the lack of sun and bad wether we will have some amasing days now.

over and out! (jessica did you stell that from me?)

i know put them togehter but hey i cant!

and then i found this.

http://www.expressen.se/sex/1.1764335/fler-kyssar-kan-skydda-barn-under-graviditet and since i have someon i care about more then my self that are pregnet i hade to publish it here.

is says that if you are pregnet kiss you boyfriend alot becase that will give the babe protection from a virus. the best is to kiss the same one for 6 months.

and to add to that. i have seen the first photo proff of this childe. is so small but im i love with it. and it will be the best time to see it grow up.

´BTW i think its a boy!!!!

im happy....

http://www.expressen.se/kultur/1.1763970/astrids-okanda-text-om-rashatet

i know this is in swedish. but i was going on abut what a parti in swe did against my favorit aothor in al times. and now one of her friends found this text that she wrote in 1916 that she was said about what she read about judes. and im happy that even though she is dead she can still deffend her self. she wrote this so long ago yes, but why would her friedn have it in the book that the party deside to you are heir manifesto if not to find it for her. life after death is someting that we dont talk about. she wrote a book about it. and i know their is someting after this life. the feeling i have about dead relatives show that its tru. they are always their. i have the biggest proff of that. i when to my granmother and granfathers grave to say hello and be closer to them with alot going on in my head. and on their grave a rabbit satt and look at me. it jumpt  of and was their al along will i wistit them. and i know it was because they wanted me to know they are always their.

R.I.P astrid.
R.I.P granmother and my 2 granfathers.
R.I.P al the dogs and animal i hade in my life. not a day gose by i dont miss you.
and now i know why i wanted to ligh the candles yester day. to show the one i love they are always on my mind.

a day.

so its the last of october. and hallowen or all hallows eve! to day most people put candles ute, and i fell that a candel show that you care so why not. i got some an put in my windo, and that is for al the people i love. bot that i lost and still are with me. i will rember them always and hope that the ones i lost RIP.

Im in love...

i have fund someting im so in love with. its a laptop. i know i know i should not be.but this one is amasing

http://www.samsung.com/se/consumer/detail/detail.do?group=computersperipherals&type=computersperipherals&subtype=laptop&model_cd=NP-X420-AA01SE

is not hevy, it has a long life time with the batteri. and i want it. so i need to become a miljoner soon so i can by al tihs that i want. i would not only shop. but thir are some thing i want to have that will last me long.
well well w have to see what happens.

need to go back so the prodject. done sooooon.

over and out

I want to go...

i have friend that want me to go to New Yoork. and i want to. i sooooo want to.
so pleace someone give me money so i can go. and pay of my student loans.
but hey aperently that life is not for me. im not that luky. the money problem will alwyas be thier i wish that was not the problem for me. the money! i hate that. so hate that.

so i wish i wolud be able to have more of this pictures after newyears..that would be a dream come ture!

 

soo 3 in on h or someting:P

so i ust have to give put this one up on how far i have goten with my scarf!

then its over and out!

what have I been up to?

well last week it was the excurion week. so here is the last photos of what we were doing!

magnus and birna working                                              the aquarium

'

and me.im a loser i know

i found them!

al quots from this summer with katie! and its mostly from the trip to norway!


-"Monica is a sick player" (Katie trying to say nurse in Norwegian)
-"Katie do you like my cook?" (Monica)
-"people looking at me like it's a target on my ass" (Signe)
-"i always get it up again" (Monica)
-"its really wet in here, o it dripped on me" (Katie)

-"where's the umbrella?" (Ulrica) -" i left it in the sex-shop" (Monica)

-"Katie are you going down again?" (Monica)
-"excuse me for reaching across your face" (Katie)
-" if goes too fast for my mouth- its too huge" (Monica)
-" make sure to us a condom, 2 if you have" (Henriette)

-“I don’t have a care in my ass” (Ulrica)

-“if you hade been a virgin, it would have been like woah! ”(Ulrica)

-“how does the tongue and butt connect?” (Katie)

-“it almost gagged me”(Katie) –“pull it out, pull it out” (Ulrica)

-“every time I go put I wake up with the same shirt and no pants…. By myself” (Katie)

-“oh he didn’t go own on you ether” (Monica)

-“better to turn heads then give head” (Carina)

-“they never stop coming (concerning rabbits)” (Ulrica)

-“you’re gonna be in my lab” (Katie)

-“always thinking in sex terms (Ulrica), it comes so naturally (Monica)”

-“ I just saw a green elevator, but it’s behind the trees and it’s white (complicated!)” (Katie)

-“you could be coming with us!” (Katie)

-“I have got some other balls as well” (Monica)

-“you have 2 in every country dam it!!” (Ulrica)

-“I don’t know how but sometimes my bobbs fart!” (Katie)

-“Do you like my ass?” (Katie) –“I only see your thigh” (ulirca)

i was going to...

write about the prodject. but then someting happend.
a friend got her son yester day. congrats honey! im glad that al when well and i hope to see you when i get back to sthlm. you will be a wounderfull mother.

and this makes me want it to. i have wanted killds for so long. its in the future for me. but i wolud like to have it now. to get the feeling of creating life in that way. but i will wait. but i have one more persion in my life that are expeting childe. im so exited about that!

over and out

sitting in school

i have some time to kill. and since im writing in school. no pichuer toady ether. but tomorrow i promis som photo of teh lab and what we been up to the last to days.

have to say geting home to a hot shower and food sound goos now.

over ans out!

tierd

im beat to day. it has been a long day with alot going on. im happy tomorrow will be in the lab and im looking forward to the things we will do thier.
i will put up photos of it tomorrow and also write more then today. its 22.30 and im going to sleep well now..

over and out

I want to! I want to! I want to

i have found this amasing cours on iceland
https://ugla.hi.is/kennsluskra/index.php?tab=nam&chapter=namskeid&id=09532120086
2 weeks of hard work but heven. i want to do this. so i will see what can be done to do it.
i did not know this existeuntill today. so i want to i want to.

miss my lovede ones

day two

so out in to the field again. in more cloths then yestar day, and got home even colder today. but it when good. we got most of the data. so we need to some catching of the shrimps for the lab experiement tomorrow and then we are saft from the cold. or not. the aquaria rum are cold to. but that is only for a short time.

so todays photos.

first day...

of the group prodject, we have today been out to find were to do the sampling and also goten wet.
itc cold in the water and some in the group got leaking waders.we are going to do someting about that tomorrow. but i know wich one i will have:P
other i miss my lovde ones. the days flys away but i miss them more and more. not having them close is hard.
im happy i will be in sthlm next semester with my family and boy. best thing that could ever be posiblem. or maby to do teh prodject with orcas later. but for now the loved ones are most important.

btw sis stop being sick cant stand that you know. need you fit for fight al the time!!!

love of love to al.

now it is enough...

what are they thinking? i mean. god!!!

they are the moste stupid ever. how can some politician think that they can use a world know author, in the policy. to use her as someone in her books are saying what they stand for. that she is for the family, that it should be only sweds in sweden. and to keep sweden swedish. the patriot party that dont get in to the parliment becasue they dont get enough votes.

they have just her the best children book author in the world Astrid Lindgren. its her book that have help many especial Brothers Lionheart that she got so much credit for. that i help children that are sick to see the light. to think that if i don't make it i go to nagiala the campfires and storytelling contery. wher you always are in adventure and never a doll time. and you are no longer sick.

they have you her final word in the book that they also see the light. that they think that that will give them more folowers if the use her.

she has been dead for years now. and i can still feel the pain when i hears she hade die. al her storys i have read. grown up with and loved. moste of the game she have in the book i have played. and even if i cant relat to the main caracter in brothers lionherat, i know that even if their is darks time i my life i have the light that will come. and if i see it i will make it.

astrid is the auther that made my childhood more rich, she gave me games to play, a story at nigh that my parents/granparents read to me and my sisters. the tatoo i have with my sisters on the ankel is from her. one book cald Most Beloved Sister. that we change to Most Beloved Sisters. my nike namn that both the sisters have is from Ronia the Robber's Daughter. al her book have help me becoming me.

so that this pary think they can use her work to get publicity makes me sick. her dother and al that know her say that this would make here angry. and that she woldu be the opinion-maker AGAINST this party.

astrid stands for everone is equall. no matter if you have on parent, are adopted, have a family or is living in a orphanage, a child is a child. and if she hade been writing today in her book their would be children insted of al classes, from al backgrounds. with differetn rots. that she wrote about was what she hade live, what she was seeing around her. so to take what see wrote in 1963, and say she thinks that she wants sweden to be swedish. It makes me sick and i hope i never have to se them in the parlament. they day they get in their al that astrid was standing for will be dead. she love childer. and hoping that we will keep the earth and give a good one to woer children.

so to end this i will put in a mix i made and say that i will one day see you in nagiala! RIP

an other day

so today i have done alot.

out walking.

talking with the boy.

done the londary.

got grosseries.

miss my boy.

read a book.

keep on going with my nitting.

so to end this. the lover and a photo i love from las summer.

so whats up today!

have had an exam i did not like. i mean we hade to do a disscuson. that fine. but it feelt like i diden have anytinh to say. i was so clear. and i know to do a good discussion i need to have refrences that are for and agains what i found. so that did not feel good. but well noting i can do now.

so im working on my scarf and its going good. i hope i will be done with i durign this weekend or next week. so that i can use it. its geting cold and i would love to do a par of gloves to. but well i need to finish the first one.

her is how far i got.

anyone have a surgest what to do

with the ends of it? i look doll to

only have endings

but i will have time for that.

and read my nev books.

and do some londary.

slow but fun weekend.

and i see the brother in law fight in taekwoondo.

go and get that gold! and good luke Daniel

to have the cake...

... and eat it.

I can, I can:P hehe

i will be home with my family after chrismas. i can be their in everything that will be going on. and my heart is happyer then ever. i can hug my sisters ween ever i want. i can kiss my boy. and see my friend. hug my mom and dad. i can be their. and thats the best ever.

i love the two next to me. they are my sisters. my blood and my friends. they are the best thing in this world. and i give everyting for them. they are the best and will always have my heart!

Älskar er systra mi!!!

you two are mine and only mine.

we are likt by blood, heart and tatoo!

the best ever

i have the best boyfriend.he know how to make me feel special. yester day the phone rings and its a flower massenger. from him. they are butifful and i feel like the happyest girl in the world.

and i have hade so much thougns about al of this the last cuple of days and then i have said that i feel like he deservs more. he eservs the best. so ofccures B tells me that im the best. and that i should live in the now. so that what im doing agin. what would i do without my lovely friend? the best in the world.

well im styring do update this one often agina.

sew how that goes.

just fellt like it!

Are we friends or are we not?
You told me once But I forgot
tell me now and tell me true
so can I say I’m here for you
Of all the friends I’ve ever met
Your the one I won’t forget
And if I die before you do
I’ll go to heaven And wait for you
And if you’re not there by judgement day
I’ll know you went the other way
I’ll give the angels Back their wings
And risk the loss Of everything
Just to prove my friendship is true
To have a friend like you

just hade to...

... will it still on my mind.

i read a artikel or more a blog about what Patrick Swayze hade meant for her. that she as the not pritty, big breasted girl hade the chans to get sometinh in teh futter even tough she was not their now. and that so tru. the best movie with him dirty dancing is the movei that make a girl know that even tough see might not be the best looking one. there is someone that will see her and maby not say but still prov that *no one puts baby in the corner*. that is the best coment ever in a movie. that someone will see you some were and will prove that you are not going to be in that corner eny more.
for me it was a friend that took me out ot the coorner. and now other that make me sty out of it. so the commen that no one puts baby in the corner is not only the boy find the girl but also that it gives al hope that somone somehow will take us out of the corner. and Patrick Swayze is helping us see that in this movie.

he will always be remember for that part. and for me when i as a comeon in the dirty dansing to wher he one again plays the danstecher that help the girl in the corner. not in a romantic way but to prov that she can be what she want to be.

the frase not in the corner will live on for ever and give al the girl and boys the belive that they can get out of the corne and that glimts on hope!

honey

i have read i friend blog and you are making me want to come home. you need to have a hug and sometinh to make your head stop messing with you. the problem is that i recognis what i read. that was me, so I wish that i hade a solution. that i could sa do this but i cant. that not how it works. you need to find something that makes i go away. no one can do that for you. tha thing is that i dont know how to do it. i needed to get far way form my old life to change. i dont think that you need that. i think that you need to find that spark that makes you se that you are butifull in everway. both inside and you. you say that you are alwasy their for me and i know that tru. but are you their for your self? do you realy think about you and what is important to you. i get the feeling you want to. and try,but then one of us that you are always their for take that energy that you wher puting in to you on us. maby im wrong i dont know. but if im right. maby you need to se who and why you dont put the most important one first. and that is you and only you! the one that need to be hole to be stong for others.

...

well i have been thinking on many tings lately. my mind have been mesing with me. i have hade the feeling that im not enough, that i cant do what im doing and still feeling hole.

i have a woundefull boyfriend that i some times feel i dont deserv. he cares for me more then i do for him. thats fine i guess, but not when i feel i dont give him with he deserves. he should have someone that can be their. that are aroun and not gose for what she wants. because that what im doing, and even though i have not alwayse been this strong in my self and happy with who i am, i have alwayas gone after what i want. i have never lost the goal to become a marinebiologis and to one day work with my orca, and no matter what i need to do i will work with them some day. and then the though come to me that some how its wrong to have him. i have feeling for him, more then i have ever hade for enyone. but some how that dose not feel enough. because i will not let go of this dream. i can stay her and work, i have to go away, work with the ocean. in the ocean. will it be us for that? will he be able to come with me? and if not, im i not only keeping him from finding someone to speend his life with? i know he want to be with me, and i want to have him. but if im keeping him from the reall future itsent that wrong of me? so some time i have the though of leting him go. to give him the chanse to finde the right girl. the one that can give him what he deverves. i feel so gready to keep him with this comfused mind and future. but i will not. hemakes me smile, and happy. so then the last problem is that what if i never get feeling for him that are around what he feels for me? the coment one have said. i have mist to see in you the first love sings. i haven seen the inlove part. and i dont know if this i how i am in love, or if im not able to fall like that. i mean. some people dont show feeling like that. i though it would be seen from a mil a way that im in love. but maby not. or i dont know. maby is hould just nit care,but i cant do that either, because that not me. i know who i am now. and i not losing her.

but that not al that on my mind. other stuff is that i feel empty when i think about what i miss and have lost some how. the friend i though would always be their some how in my life, and im in hers. i tried some to se her, maby not enuogh i know. you can always do more. but with no respond i feel that ist not on me. i just wish that i didn't have to end like that.7 years and no god reason more then my bad way of teeling her how i have feelt. i didn't want to los her. i wanted her to know the real me. it was my fault that i was not my self with her even thoug i started to findmy self. i hade doubts about over friendship befor that. but i never wanted to lose her. but maby that the best, because we were not friend for the later years, not since i moved for my studys, but she is a part and a big reason i am who i am. so not have her anymore is hard. to see the photos and movies of her babe and know that if i hade keept on keeping my tru self from her untill i got home i might have been able to see them, and get a better closer of ower life togehter. i should take al of the reminder awy, but i still love here (you if you are reading this). and i hurt to lose you,i have not emitted that untill now. but it always hurt to los someone.

and speking of losing someone. i have two that i hate to know i will lose in the future. i will not go in to them now because then i will cry. but they are on my mind alot.

but i relised today on my long walk that im happy that i can do that. that i can walk around free and do what i want. i saw an old lady walking with her walker. and that made me think that we take so much for granted, and that makes so many people sitt on their as and do noting. or go to a center to run on a machine.their is nature not far way. it cant take any longer to get their then to a center.yes if you can dp in in day light you dont what to be out runing in the dark i can see that. but during the summer their is light to go around al day long. and then some people woldu say that their are rapers otu their for us women to be woring about. take someone with you then. or have some protecion. i walk with the keys in my hand everytime. not only as a protection but also that i dont like to have them in the pants. they are annoying. but i can get a rection if i dont realise someone is coming up behinde me. i have musik in my ears so i can hear them. but i think that we have to stop taking things for granted. the freedom we have we should enjoy. and we still live in a contery that have a great freedom for al.

so now i shuld stop. im going from and idiot to sentimental to some stupid statment of freedom. as i said my brain is messing with me. and i cant controll it. i hope i dont endup hurting me or someone els to much when its going on.

well its not a month

but the time to sitt down and be alone to write here have not been many. i have been think about it but not more then that becasue if im only babling away whats the point?

so here i go again, im will babel away. becasue im mest up. i have the life i want. im studing and will soon be done with my uni. and have the master in marinebiologi.
i have a good education in min diving and their fore the world is open to me to work. i have friends al over the world that i will love to visit. and i dont know were i will work but that okej. the goal is to work with my orcas on day. and still im not happy with that. because i want to be thier when family and friends have good momenst, be able to give them a hug and say im so happy for you, this we have to celibrate. but i cant. i wasn't their when my sister got engede. i was not their when a friend hade her babe. i was not their to suport my sister during hard times.

and that is how my life will be. i will not be their in that way. i know what you said C that im thier anyway. but sometime thats not enugh. i want to give them the hugs when the good or bad news come. i want to be thier for al of my friend, be thier and say congrtulations to the babie or engagment or even marrige. i want to do that in persen not over the phone. but with my dream that is not posible. i know i cant have the cake and eat it. but pleace i still want to be their as a support. sometime to follow my dreams is hard, i have feelt that so many times and that feeling of not being able to be their is growing. i will never abanden my dreams that would get me killed. but the feeling of not being their is hard to.

good and good

nooo that nothing for me:P

haha i will never be good at this when i have the boy close by. and as one friend told me *i have hear the he is wounderfull tell me otherstuff* so that i will.

he is mine and he makes me happy. the importan thing i need is someone that makes me laugh untill i can breat. that lisen and i can talk to. he have al of the. and since that is more importan then the few iritation stuff that what i tell everone.

the problem is that he will be 5 h away during the coming year when im at uni again, we have to see how that will be. but if we whant to it will go well.

what els have happen? not much, hate the fact that im living on my parents because i dont have any work. but when school start that will be different.

be back soon if someone is woundering something just ask.

well im bad!

to bad. i have not be writing here for a will. but that is because K has been here and we been flying al over sweden and also to norway to see the lovely one their.

so that have been nice, loved having her here, and want her back. today. so come back soon babe.

tha seconed thing that have happend is that i have a boy now. he is nice. makes me laught alot and smille. he makes me happy and that is good. so when i have time over i will write more about him. now i have to focus on other things. asn shool stars in les then a month.

i will try to be better at this. maby i will be good again!

1 week home...

and the first wensday and i have a lovely day with Cb. then after both of them enden work C and C came in to town and we hade a nice night. we did buy food and some drinks and when to the park to enjoy the summer night. and after that we when to the movie the proposla. and it was so good, i love it and the humor was hilarious, i was laught hard a few times. i need to buy it later.

then friday i was in town and hade lunch and a coffe with M good it was so good to see her i have mist her. i dont see her al the time, but i have mist her alot. and we always pick up wher we left of. i love it.

then saturday mu farling J was here. and it was so nice. siting in the sun and talk. and then eaten by the dam mosquitos, they bit wors back home. i promis. but it was nice and im looking forward to see my darling again. (and yes i know you read this;))

so sunday was a soft day. sis come ower for diner and it was nice. and today me and my mom wher down swiming and then doing som shoping. so the life is going on. i will see my granmother on wensday and then my K is coming on friday. lovely!!!!

tooo many C

haha im not gona talk about that again. but i have to say i have goten hugs from 2 of the best C yesterday. and i got an elephant as welcome home gift. have to take a photo and put up.

but it was so nice to be home and get a hugs from them. i have realied that hugs i the best ever. because in them you can fell al the love they have for you. and still that a hug of love can be so different.

my mums are one kind wher i always fell like the little girl again. the same if it is my dad, with him im alwyas the small daughter. hugin my granmother is the hold her, to realy hug her and she will probably break, but she hug me hard back when she was here. my sister jumping up han i hold them hard, that is one hug. and when the CC come over and i was in CB arms i was home. then i was home again, i her arms are the bumbihugs and they are the most specilla ones. and also C she my darling have good hugs to. and i could fell that she hade mist me alot. as i have mist her.

and their are more of them to come. and im looking forward to them:)

home!

home in sweden again. and im happy to be home. happy that i got the hug from my family that i have wanted for a year. happy to see al and to have my dog again close.

so tursday was good. hade the last exam, and party that night, went you with the rommys and some others. dansed hade driks at CJ and it was perfect. i did not want to leav them al so friday morning was one of the worst ever. it is right up their in the top with leaving the family on arlanda when i left for oz, and to say by to the lovely poeple last semester. i hade a hard time to let A and C go. A i will miss you load. al the talk and thing, miss you load babe. and C what to say? you know what you mean to me, and i will be strang to have you so far away. but thats life. you still be close to my heart.

so after 37 h or hell i mean plain. i was home in the arm of mom and dad, the to places i alway fell home in, and the arm i can never get to much of. and then home to the house and the best ever happend. dad hade gone and got my granmother to the house. i did not have to wait any more to hug her, god it was good to be home and see her, she is the one i alway want to make proud. and to see her again was the best ever. i love my granmothter loads.
and now after 11 h och sleep ( finaly since i have not sleept for mor then 2-3 h at a time since wendsday) im wating for 2 och the C to come:P I know i have 5 but this is one of the 3 that always go together. the on wensday i will se the 3 C together. and i cant wait for it. miss al my darling and i can say no that:

what is friendship? is the best ever and to have manny of the and al over make you always have the word miss in the my vocabulary that will always be arond and a part of the meaing of friends!

the last one ever....

.. from australia. i have now done the last exam at jcu. i have less then 24 h in australia, of this i will get al my shit in to my bag (it was posible untill i found more stuff that need to go home). so i have to begin again. then take a shower get redy for party and have fun. no sleep or only a few hours is the plan berfore leavin for sweden.

so no to what i have done since i got down to oz.
- found my self.
- found so many new people i love
- got my diving cetificat.
- im a profestional diver
- were able to travell on my own and hade fun and found people everwhere.
- i have hade one of the best yeras ever and im happy F gave me the pappers and that i hade the courges to go here.

i will be home on saturday and after that the time will fly again!

good life is a bitch!

haha i was going to say god! life is a bitch, but i like this better. because good life is a bitch because their is so much you what to do. i know i know i talk about it al the time, but i dont want to leav my life down here. i will miss A so much. she always know what to say do make me happy, even we have over fights i can count on her to always be their. she is my darling. to leav al the poeple at uni that you get ust to see al the time. that is stange not to meet them and talk abóut nothing for 3 min. (can someone tell me why i try to type absout al the time insted of about?) and then i will miss C the 5 one (can poeple have names that start with an other letter? i mean i have 5 that are my C's that bad) besides the fact. i will miss talking to him everyday. konw that i can talk about everything, and to have someone their. i have alot of friend back home, but never i guy that can see me so much and that non of us did fall for the other one. we have no felling for the other one more the friends, good friends. so i will miss having him around. what will i do when i cant change couch, and out my head in his lap to talk about some school thing or just to avoid studying my stuff. who will i talk to befor bedtime about over old life or things that happend that day? what will i do in sweden without him? will life goes on and i have many poeple that i miss so much, that i cant what untill i get a hug from and can call them by their name to thier face i have mist to say dad and mom. and to get the welcomehug from them i have dreamd about for the longest time. nothing better then to be welcomed home by my parents. or maby the love that the dog will show is a cloes call to. to hold my dreamy is onething i want more then anyting. my dog is the one i have mist the most. because al the other i can talk to, i can see in cam, but i cant talk to my dog. i can make her smile or leter her know im still here so to have here in my arms again is something that make going home the best ever. love that thing more then many others. she is the one i know always are happy to see me. no fals smile or hug. she wants to see me.

well tell me to stop babling some time. im pathetic i know. bu thats me. and my good life can be a bitch some times!

happy!!!!

i got the best new today. one of my darlings from the us is coming to wisit me this summer. she lands the 3 of july and says utill the 22. i could not have goten better new. well if a my darling from the us could come that would be better. but still she is coming as we were talking absout for. well since she left me in oz alone.

so now the planing on what to do starts. we want to go to norway to see al in bergen, that will happen i hope. but only the fact that i can show her sweden and al their is the best ever.

no noting can brin me donw. she is coming to me:)

happy days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lovely day!

so the day after. first of al thank you al my lovely friedn that remember me, im so happy for al text, fb and everything. lots of love to you al!!!

and a lot of thansk to C A and T the lovely roommates i have. C made dinner A gave me a birthdaycake and T was lovely like always. so insted of making me study al night we hade a nice dinner, alot och talk and then a movie. i was in bed 12.30 a sleep maby 1-1.30 and up at 7 for exam at 8. abit hangover and tierd. and i thing i did a really good work. if that tru this will be the new tactic for a exam. drink abit the day befor adn no sleep. haha. ut otherwis the day was so good and im happy with it.
and now one exam is done so it is 3 to go and 7 days befor i leav austalia.

love love

that time of the years again!

geting older. feel that one more year have gone by, but this time i feel that i have done something i have become a divecon. i have followed a dream and got donw to australia adn the most importan i found my self. and know my limets better. i can thank C and B on maggi for that they pust me and got in to me that you can you can be out of air and 10 from you budy under water. but you whant that air so you will make it even if you think you cant. tyring to do it and get it bang in that you can do it. ok you can its al in you head. and i made it in every way.

so this year i have more accpted that im getin older, becasue this year i feel i have acompliseh so much. i think that have been the problem the last 5 years that i have feelt more what have i done this years? insed of now. god this was a short year adn i have done so much. this year have been flying by and i wish i could last for ever.

but ya. happy birthday to me!!!!

strange...

... what time does to you. im reading old things from 04 and things i said in their.
i was talking so much absout his boy that i thought i loved. tha he was the one e.t.c and i know i never new him. that i have talk to him a few times but i was so in love that i could not see past that, and still i was talking to this nice guy on the internet and i said so many times that he is the best, i love him for the friend hi was, but i colud not be in love becasue i did not know him. how could i say that in the sentence befor that i lovede one that i did not know but not him becasue he was on the internet. i know that i did know him i just did not think that i whantent him. that was why i hurt so much later on when i brok it of. i did know what i feelt for him but i did not admit it. intressing to se what i said befor and feel today.
the boy i loved i dont talk to at al, have taking him awy from everyplace and i dont really care absout him.
the other one i said bye to and brok if of when i hade grown up. he is back now and i dont know what happen. but is still strange how i have chagne. adn to read ti really makes me see how much have happend the last years. and also the sorrow i feel ower have said that the girl in the prevoius bloggs that she was on of the ones i could not see my lifte without here, and now i dont see how it can work out between us. i will try, but i can see it happen now. i can see how it can get solved.

but that is a later problem. now it is tha exams and coming home i have to focus on.

happy

if you are following thhis bloog you will have seen the last one, but dont worry im fine! sometimes i have to write of whats on my minde to let i go, so im good now after talking it of my mind. it has to be sortet and that will poabaly happen when i get home. but that day i was so irretated with it al and need to let i go to handel other things in my lift. it is stille their, and talking to some about it have made me go ower it and geting angry about that.

but i will handle that when i get home not much i can to about that here.

so im happy because im now a dive control speciallist. that means dive maste for most people. so the work on maggi is ower. but im happy i feel that im a better diver and that i have learnd alot.
the count down on flying home is on to. have 2 weeks left and dont want to. well i want to but still not. it is so much i want to but i dont. im looking forward to coming home to the family and al the friends. even their is some thing to deal with im want to be in moms and dads arms again!

I dont know...

is it realy worth it? my head is spining with these qusetiosn about you and me. should i wokr on it? will it be what we whant.
i explain what i feel and have felt for the last 3 years, the reaction *why are we friends then?* i dont know if it is worth talking about, the reaction to maby a bad explaning letter tells alot. i mean, i told the things i was feeling what so bad with that? yes it was the hole tru and nothing but that and i can hurt. but if we are friends the reaction should not be why are we friends it should be how did this happen. why did it become lite this. or im i wrong? it was my fault i did not shwo my self becasue i was afriad to do that to not be acceptet for that gild because of the hint of how i was.
but no more. i love the onw i am. i will try to sort this out, but i will not change back. the one i am to day is girl i love. and she will stay, though i can see my life with out you. you are still the major reason i am who i am. that is what is so strange. that the one making me in to who i am to today dont even know me. how did this happen?
well see what happens, but what i know is that i will stay as i am. i do care if you like her or not. but i will not changes. like me or not i will stay as the one i am today, a stronger and more happy girl.
and i know if i los that now. i have to many other that will skream at me. well should stop hear. have to go to maggi tomorrow, and it is most likely my last day.

over and out!

bad bad girl

I did i again. not write here for a few days. but it is not that much going on. talk to C on skype, miss you my darling så have a wounderfull time wiht mommy now and i see you in 2.5 weeks.
so what am i going? i' finsihing of my divecon on maggi. is a past the examorrow it would be lovely. so on saturday i hop to be done with it al and be a diveprfesional. im loing for that moment. and it is so close.

other than that, im missing everyone and the closer i get to comming home the more i can feel it. i want a hug from al of my darling. and speeking about that. i hope that it work out and that you K are coming to S and me. that would be on of the best things happening for me beside seing everyone at home.

well need to pratis a lecure now. but i will try to write here again soo..

lots of love to al!!!!

friends

some people my wounder why i have this name on my blogg. when i first heard this expresion i thought ya why not. then i meat friends and got this typ of friendship. i found that the real friendship is two bodys and one soul. and that is tru for al friendsships more or less. i have few realy cloes friend because i have big truble trusing people. I admit this, and i know some people think the know me better then they do, sorry for that but it is so easy to go back and hide the real feeling by smilling and laught it away. this might make you think do i now her? is she realy the girl i think or have she lied to me?
al of you that i say i love, you know me. my 3 angels in the states you 3 know me, my three C backhome you know me, alos my 4 C back home you have always know me from we were 3 and 4 years old. the 5.et C and A down under know me. my darling sisters you 2 know me now and alos mum ad dad know the most. E and L in hbg you know the most about who i am today. M you know me, we are on in so many aspecte, and that we always piktup were we left of is one of the things i love about you. and then we come to the reason im writing this you J.

we have been friends since we where 8 i think when we were swiming together. i dont know when we started together i know we always did see eachother al the time and during the summer playide some times. then we stop swiming and only meat eachother at hand-ball games and tournuments. i shuold have seen then that since you were going against you teammates and still was y friend even all the girls around you wanted me go. one more girl in you club did the same but that is a totaly different story! what i did not see then was that you have seen me always as i was. when we got to the swiming i was free to be me al the time. bullied at school i could escape in the water and what you dont think about is that the people around you see that and see you. you are one of the few that call me Ullis (only Rebecca do it to) because you 2 were their when that was what i alowed.
so why write this here and not in a email? i will emal you back but the email you sent me inspiers this. she said that she has been reding it al (yeah someone do read this shit im writing) and that she can see the change in me, and read between the lines that it have not always been easy. and it was then i realise how well she knowes me. that you have been their along the way and in the biger picure seen the change in me. we have not been close al the way but you know me better then i everthought maby even best of al because you have seen me from a distans. im not alowing you to be at a distans enymore as you know and we will meat up when im home again.
you also write that i was a insperation to you for chanigne my life and the why my life look now. that made me so happy and i could not stop smilling, you thankt me for being me what more can i be happy about? and the fact that you got me to see over relations and you are right we have always been friends, just because we have not seen eaxhother al the time dosent mean we were not friends. ower friendships have always been their, and i have always known that.

so what are the conlusions of this?
1) i know i have so many people in my life that makes it the best, and that i onetime could consider not having friends is something i hate myself fore. thank al of you how did not leav me when i was like that
2) friends are always their and they always sees you even thoug you are hiding. they can feel that you are truing to hide yourself but they dont alow that and endure that to keep you at you best.
3) im thankfull everyday to have al of you in my life, you give me even more reason to live and be happy.
4) i love al of you, you are more important to me then anyhing els. and dont forget i do anything to help al of you, to keep you happy and help you when you not are happy is the reason i exist.

and never forget we are al one soul and have over own body!!!!

im bad

i havenot been here in a few days, since i been wokrin and studying, but today i went down down and book a trip to the youngala the day befor my birthday. happy birthday me. i alos found a new bekini in yellow and me and frind alos went to sweethearst. it was fun:P
what i did not get was the dress i dream absout. i whant a dress that i can were everyday. that will be simple but still looks good. and if you have more makeup and neckleses it can be for party. as i said i do have alot of demands when it comes to this dress, but in the end i will alow myself to spend more money on it.

and to me. i have lost alot of weight at least to sizes and since the spex ended, and the last 1.5 is donw here. i love it.and my body, i hope it will keep going in this way.

well going to bed now. the head hates me to night.

again

im here insted of doing home work. im not motivated right now so writing here in sted of there is what im doing.

schools good, but need to win over the computers at uni. they don't let me get the stuff that the profs. put up. and you can get any other way. hate hate hate that.

but i should not do this i should be glueing drawing in to my workbook and drink my red bull. i have become coffein addict, i have at least one latte at school, and then something other with coffein during the day. it is bad i know, but i can't stop. so to night (7.10 pm) i will drink a redbull to stay up and get this shit over with. if im good i will be in bed before C come home from work (which is around 2am) wish me luke.

so back to the redbull and work book.

hmm

i have been irretade a bit the last few days, because how the people i love act. i mean it is not hard to call or text me if you miss me. i know i could be better at keeping contact but if you miss me, call or text or email. dont go to al the others teling them that you miss me and my voice, i hate the runing around and talking on what you whant insted of doing something about that your self. this is a part of the new me, i have not yet talk to any of you about it. i should but it means hurting a bit and i can't aslonges im in oz. but when i get home i will change it OK?

but then i got this from my dad today and i realised that my rections to the statmen above is stupid of me. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJMbk9dtpdY) i love my family and would do what this man is doing for the one he loves. i would do anything they ask even stay forever in sweden with them if that make them happy. my family is the most important thing i have, i thank every day that i have you. blood is thicker then water and blood is life. i share this with 4 people verry close. and then i have the other family the friends. you are al very special and i would not be the same with out you. friends are the family we pick and i cant have a better family then the one i have. love you al loads and thanks that you want to be in my life.

well enough about that. to the day. the talk to B wounderfull. the computers and internet at school the worst. i need artikles to mb and they are up on reserv online can i get them? NO!!!! i got the past exam after trying for 4 h and change computer. but the rest no. and i cant find them in web of sciens either becasue they must be to old or something. so the frustration grows bigger. and with al the other frustrations it is not strange that im on my way to explode. think i need to go out walking or be by the river. but the workbook need to be done i dont want to have it for last minute as always. but the computers is not helping.

well should stop complaing and the light of the day was to talk to you B, you made me smile and im looking forward to over house on the bahamas. can wait for it.

well should do someting on my workbook.
load of love to the lovely poeple i miss and love

time

since i have noting that makes me want to study so i write here insted:P

so today i got upp late beacuse we did not go to sleep untill 1.30 dam have to stop doing this:P so we got up at 10. 30. at 12 me chris and anne went to stokis for some shoping and a bostjuice:P and now o should study. but i endeup on line and was going to read the da vinci code, but got stuk talkting to people:P

but yestar day adn the reason that i did not go to sleep untill 1.30 was that me chris, anne and some other pople did see angels and demons. as always tom hanks did do a good jobb. and i love stellan skarsgård so it was a good movie. now i have to read the book. but i have it so i have to have the time for that.

well i should gp back to the pople that want to talk to me. or maby leav them for a book.
hehe

well...

since im back i should say why i stop and what im been up too, since it have been neraly 3 years.

i stop because there were so much going on in my life and i could not talk about it here. i was trying to figer out what was going on.

the result.

i stop taking to some people. started being whit others. and i figured out what i wanted with my studies and time around that. i got involved in teh spex 06 and were head of the stages in 07. alot of fun and alot of good friend were made.

then i hade a realy good friend that throwed applaying paper in my face to apply for studying abroad. that happend the fall 07. the spring 08 i got in to jcu in australia and after that everyting seemed to fall in to place. we lefter sweden for townsville in july 08. down here i have meet so many people that helpt me to see who i am. and i have been going through some big changes in how i are with people. i have look in to how i am and figured that out. and what was more suprising to me. i like how i am today and can look back at so much in the past with i smile now.
there is realy nothing that are having a big influens on me any more from the past.

so now im down in australia. and as you can see in the last blogg is that i want to stay here. and i want to go home. im going home in june to finish studys and al, and after that i dont know were i will end upp. what i know is that i want to come back here, i want to see my friend from last semster (might be going to norway this summar) and to have a big party for al of them (im turing 25 net yeras someone coming to my party then in sweden?)
well i think that is al for now.

no wait to day i have been at uni. hade a intressing prac in the cconservation. we were doing a class for 1-3 gaders to teach them about turtles. and then playing games etc. it was really funny, not that produtive but we were laughing alot, which always are good. and later i will go to the movies with a bunch of friends. it is weekend and my life is going good.

i miss the family, friend and al. but that is a sign that i have many peopel i care about and that make my life good.

im back..

okay. after hmmm. 2 years im back here. and now im going to try to be good at it. don't know if it will help but maby.why english? have so many new darling that i want to know whats going on in my life.so now im happy.i love my life and my self as i said so many times. but im still worried about some of the lovely ones. sis you are on my mind al the time and i hope you are okej. missy in the us, i want whats best for you. and about me. im good, but my mind is mesing with me. i want to stay in oz. i want to go home. i want to go to us, i want to stay. i want everything but can only get one of the at once. so the brain is messing, that gives a bit less sleep becasue i wake up during the night. but im trying to sleep.

well i have to go to bed now but will give you more whats going on to morrow.